Today has been a long day. I went to bed at 5 A.M. this morning. For some reason I could not sleep all night last night so I did my ironing. Boy what a job. Then I got up at 8 and went to work on the house trying to get it cleaned back up and get ready for company again. I have had some one here ever since Thanksgiving. It is fun but lots of work. Richard is coming back to help me get my trailer fixed. I sure hope he can do that.

I got a message from Sister Jenson today. She sounds like she is doing good. She is working with the LDS Family Service Adoption department. I wish I was young enough I would adopt another child. Maybe I could get it right this time. Maybe I could raise one to love and respect me. I love my family and that is all I have ever lived for but some times I think they don't care about me.

The Lord has blessed me with good health and a lot of good friends so I can't complain. I am Thankful for my Testiomony of the Gospel and the Love I have for the Savior. If I did not have that I don't know what I would do. I guess I would be lost. Sometimes I think I am anyway. I had to prepare a talk and Relief Society lesson last week so I get to rest for 3 week then another lesson. I do enjoy doing them when I have time. I learn more than I can teach.

Got up at 7:00 A.M. this morning. Hoping the sun will come out so I can plow the garden soon. I have to wait until it dries out some. It has rained for 2 days now and it is wet outside.

The world has gone crazy I am not sure how I feel about anything any more. Use to love life but now I am just ready for everything to come to and end. It has been a long time since I have felt like this. Now sure just what is wrong but I sure have gotten down. I guess maybe I need someone to need me for awhile.

I hope the doctors have found what is wrong with Jack so he can get better. Maybe when that happens I will feel better. He sure gets on to me about being depressed.

It has been several days since I have had time to write anything. Melissa came home and was in and out for a week. She did not stay with me much. It seems she thought it more important to spend time at the beach than with me. Oh well her loss is someone else's gain. I had a good Christmas with all the grandchildren. I wish they could have stayed longer. they have grown up so much that its hard for me to believe that they are the same children. I had 6 of the 13 with me Christmas day and until this morning. Robert, Audra, and Joshua are still here and will be until the first of the year. I sure wish they could be here all the time. It is so nice to be able to them when I want to. Robert has grown up so much. I only wish I could make his life easier.

Had our Christmas Party tonight. Lots of food and fun for everyone. I was so tired from all the running back and forth to Pensacola all week that I didn't have as much fun as everyone else did.
Jack has been so sick that I spent all week with him at the hospital. I am still worried about him. I hope he gets better when they do the surgery in 3 weeks. We had a big crowd there though. There was about 40 people there. I know that doesn't like much to some but to Paxton its a big crowd. Marla was there and it was nice to have time to talk to her and spent some quality time with her. Michelle and Joseph were there with all his kids but she did not have hers yet. They will come on Christmas day for a couple of weeks. They are growing so much and I sure miss having them close by. I wish all of my children lived close enough I could see them often. I miss all of them so much.

President Miller read the Christmas story at the party tonight. I was fun.

Today has been very busy. Early this morning Charles and I went to feed the cows and he took a fall. He said he was okay and he got up by himself because I can't pull on him right now. We came back to the house and I went to get a hair cut. I came home and he could not breath without moaning. We had to do to Defuniak to the foot doctor and left there and went to see his medical doctor. Did X-rays and no broken bones but still hurting. We left there and went to Pensacola to Sacred Heart Hospital to see Jack. Spent some time with him and then drove home. Boy am I one tired lady. I really have to slow down or I am going to be in trouble. I got a telephone call from Dr. Dress and she tells me that the pathology report was good for me. There is no cancer. I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven

I had a great day. Megan Brinholt came from Salt Lake to visit for a few day. We went to lunch with Michelle, Shari, and Karen Barrett. What a great time we had. I wish I had someone to go with all the time. I am so grateful for those girls. They make me feel young when I am old and tired. I have to go back to see the OB-GYN doctor tomorrow. I have had a small amount of trouble of which I am sure its the stress. With Jack in the hospital and me going down to Pensacola to check on him. He has finally decided that he has to stay until he finds out what is wrong. I have been really worried about him. I miss having my girls close to me so they can keep me laughing cause I love them all so much. I hope tomorrow is as good as today.

Its the day after surgery and I am still doing good. I have had some trouble with my dizzy head today but otherwise I am good. No pain no bleeding or anything so I feel really blessed. Charles must have been really worried about all this. He did not talk to me about it but I think he was quite worried. He has been really nice all day. I have not do anything except to crochet all day long. anyway I am going to bed soon and maybe I will feel like clean house some tomorrow. I need to vacuum the floor and maybe do some laundry.